22 now.

So, a year has basically passed since my last post. I'm 22 years old now, I got kicked out of my house so now I live in a cool loft. Not sure how I did it, but what I do know is that I'm currently living in an answered prayer. 

     It's crazy how things come to be.

I also ended the prior relationship I was in. I realized in the midst of the horror of settling that, it's useless to be with someone who does not share your same beliefs, this probably doesn’t apply for everyone but personally, I couldn't have achieved the goals I wanted to to reach if I was being led by someone who had their mind elsewhere. I dont blame him. I blame myself for being ignorant to that key detail.

     My mom is almost done with the divorce precedings, but her lawyer has been robbing her relentlessly so she is about to switch her lawyer. My dad is useless. Honestly not sure if I should give him the title of father. The only thing he does is pay my phone bill thank God, hopefully he doesnt stop paying it anytime soon.

     Since I moved out with my savings money, I'm officially living off of credit cards and a dream. My brother is also absolutely useless, he always pittys my father despite the emotional attrocities he has done and at times physical. My brother doesnt even help my mom at all. What's the point of being born male when you can't even act like you have balls. At this point i'm more of a man than my brother and my dad combined, and I do love my brother but he's more of a fictional character than an actual person in my mind.

     Anywho through this whole process my mom has depended on me a lot which kinda caused a lot of pressure, most of the time it has felt like I am the one divorcing my father, but time and time again my mom has shown that she's almost completely dependent.

     Let me stop complaining ( I say that even though most of this blog has been me complaining). I'm so unbelievably grateful at the drastic turn my life has taken despite all of this. I quit my second job which was like 300 dollars a week and I feel so happy. Now I have time to read the bible, talk with friends, go to church, do my hair, simply live my life after I clockout from my main income. I moved into my dream apartment, my Cici is still kicking despite being about 17 years old and her three front teeth being very loose, I'm so happy despite it all. 

      It was all God, God is everything, all these trials mentally prepared me for the blessings that came because I know for a fact without these experiences i wouldnt have matured or known how to appreciate the blessings right in front of me. The other night I was so overwhelmed with Happiness that I began to cry in bed and thank God. 

      My mental health has improved drastically since moving out, I truly feel like I was having suicidal thoughts again due to the circumstances. Living with my dad has been the most gut wrenching experience I have ever experienced, it left me questioning if he ever truly cared to begin with, How can someone do so much evil when they claim to love you?

       Either way I try not to ponder so much about that. This weekend i'm traveling to Florida to see the people I love. I havent seen them in about 7 years so that will be so crazy and heartwarming. I hope they visit me here in New York soon to make more memories.

        My current goals for this year is to become more pure in my way of thinking and to live by the word of God hence why I am inclined to read the bible more, all I have and need is God. And I know through Christ is the only way one should live. I wish I couldve made this blog post a bit more comedic, jeez, but hey I need to update all two of you.

         Also work is going well, just yesterday was Administrative professionals day at work, they gave us food here and a signed card and a few knick knacks. It was so kind of them, I'm not used to receiving kindness and appreciation from my employers so this experience has been beautiful. My boss can be a little frank and micro managy at times but still chill, and i'm grateful for my pay and income. I think I'm finally getting to a place where I feel secure in life. 

     I hope when I re-read this post later down the life I can be proud of the person I was and am. This year I see myself falling in love with who Ive become and even more with God. I'm so happy. Thank God.